Confusion
by Chemiclord
Summary: I told him I was confused... right... that's it...
1. Her Voice

**Confusion**

I had told him I was confused, and watched him wince both mentally and physically. Even then, at the moment I said those words, I hated myself. Confused… bah! The only thing I was confused about was exactly how I was going to pin to the nearest wall and have my wicked way with him. I certainly wasn't confused about how I feel.

This hadn't exactly been a recent discovery either. I was actually rather shameless, looking back on it. I literally tried to coerce a kiss out of the young airbender in the Cave of Two Lovers. Little secret, getting out of that cave was a distant second in my mind when I brought the idea up.

Or my daily flirtations called waterbending lessons. It was no accident that almost every session wound up with me smeared across his back like butter on bread, my face sultry as his cheeks burned bright red. Sheer coincidence… and if you believe that, I have some tropic property near the South Pole I'd like to sell you.

And let me say this, I don't think Gran Gran hugged me as much in fourteen years as I hugged Aang in roughly six months. Any excuse I could get to throw my arms around him was good enough for me. Aang was happy? Give him a hug. Aang was sad? Give him a hug. He was feeling sleepy, hungry, thirsty, upset, irritated, lonely, anxious, or any other emotional state? Give him a hug. Had it been five minutes since the last hug? Well, give him another; can't be too careful after all.

Dad told me how proud he was of me after the final battle of the war. Wonder how proud he would have been had he known _half_ of the things I did to poor Aang. I'm pretty certain my dad knew about my feelings… not that I was exactly discreet. I learned that my own father often carried me to my room after I had fallen asleep at the foot of Aang's bed during the airbender's recovery. And let's not forget angrily brushing my father aside when the object of my affections had finally awakened. I was not going to share Aang with anyone for that first hour, I suspect. Or when I broke down in my father's arms… he wasn't the only one I was crying about, and I'm sure he knew it too. He never addressed my feelings directly… but he knew. He had to.

Spirits as my witness, I threatened to _kill_ a man if I even as much as thought he might hurt Aang at some point in the future. I would have done it too, and the idea still doesn't even so much as unnerve me.

If anyone should have been confused about our feelings for each other, it should have been him. I had pushed and pulled him away so many times I don't even remember them all. We share this electric, steamy, passionate dance one night… and the next day, I pretend nothing out of the ordinary occurred. On the night of the invasion, I literally melt into his kiss then barely am willing to come within arm's length for a week.

So… yes… I'm a young woman in love; madly and hopelessly in love with a man who is the living incarnation of my hopes and dreams. Yeah, I'm _real_ confused about that.

So why did I say I was? I was more trying to convince myself than Aang, really. I was hoping I could stop loving him. I… didn't want to lose someone else I cared so completely for. It would have destroyed me. I had to tell him I didn't know, and more importantly I had to believe it. I wouldn't have been able to function, I would have been paralyzed with worry, and too many people needed me to allow myself to be in that state.

Not that it worked. Don't misunderstand me; I did the job I was needed to do, and I still was absolutely terrified of what was going on half a world away. Even as I pulled Azula's chains tight, my cursed treacherous mind was running through half a million nightmares. I drove poor Appa to the point of exhaustion rushing back to the Earth Kingdom as fast as the great bison could carry me… I still don't know if Zuko even heard me tell him where I was going so quickly… I might have been a few hundred feet off the ground by the time I finished. But I'm sure he knew.

And now, here I am, a two-week whirlwind of activity later, watching Aang quietly slip away off onto the balcony of Iroh's tea shop in Ba Sing Se. He's taken my words to heart it appears, giving me space; waiting for me to decide it's "the right time". It hurts me that he doesn't seem particularly hurt. Infinitely understanding, infinitely patient… and it makes me feel like trash. I don't deserve him.

It's time for me to finally make things right.

I quietly follow him out, completely toning out whatever Toph had just said, and barely aware of the laughter behind me. He turns his head in my direction once I'm at his side, and gives me his "Aang look" tempered with the wisdom thrust upon him in such a short period… lifetimes of experiences compressed into a handful of months… and I'm blushing, I know it.

I barely even was aware of what I was doing before I had pulled him into another hug. Old habits die hard, but even as I'm smiling, I'm smacking myself. This isn't good enough. He deserves a lot better than more of the same.

I pull away, and take a look out towards the great city to where the sun is setting. Tomorrow will be a new day, another day separated from the scars of war, another day to change something else for the better.

But I'm not going to wait until tomorrow. I gently turn him to face me, and this time, I take the initiative. I push forward, and I kiss him…

… so that there would be _no_ confusion.


	2. His Voice

**Confusion**

She told me she was confused, and it felt like she had punched me a little too low. I wound up pressing a little too hard that night, and probably only made her even more confounded and upset. I've made a good many mistakes in my short life (I really have a hard time counting the century spent in a block of ice as part of my life), but that was probably the worst.

It took me some thinking, but I came to accept it, and could understand. "I love you" had been on the tip of my tongue every day for four months, and for as many months, that's where it stayed. I was awfully brazen at times in my pursuit of her affections, and pulled away at the moment of truth far at every opportunity. I can't _imagine _how my precious waterbender would wind up confused over that…

I mean, it's not bad enough that I somehow managed to imbed my entire leg in my mouth in the Cave of Two Lovers. Little note for reference; don't compare kissing a girl with dying. Astonishingly, girls don't take that as a compliment. I was so proud of myself that I managed to form a coherent sentence as thoughts of claiming Katara's lips filled my mind that I never realized what I had said until it was too late.

On top of that, I was awfully shameless in trying to get her attention. With all the "mistakes" I made in my stance during my waterbending training, one would almost think I was making them on purpose just to feel her warm body press against me as she leaned over to make the corrections… not that I'd _ever _do that.

Chief Hakoda once said I had the strongest spirit he had ever seen in his life. I wonder how much that opinion would have changed had he seen my cowardice in approaching his daughter. How I coerced her into dancing with me then shied away from her genuine show of affection minutes later… or how I couldn't even work up the nerve to actually kiss her until I was facing the possibility of never getting the chance at all. Then, just as she starts to respond, I again retreat and fly off as if I couldn't get away from her fast enough.

The mighty Avatar Aang; able to stare down a malevolent face stealing spirit, a behemoth assassin with metal for limbs, earthbending secret police, a maniacal, power-mad Firelord with the augmented power of a comet, and goes to pieces the moment a certain girl from the Southern Water Tribe smiles at him. The only time I feel confident about my feelings to her is after I've completely scrambled her mind. Oh yeah, there's a noble hero for the next generation to look up to.

I was like a moth-ant, hungering for the warmth of the fire, but wary of the flame. Everything I had ever loved was destroyed because of my cowardice. I couldn't bear to fail her the way I failed by fellow nomads. So I tried to keep my distance, even as the other half of my mind yearned for everything I tried to deny myself. I couldn't give her up to control the Avatar State, yet I couldn't let myself get in a position where I was certain I'd fail her love.

And so, here I am in a prison of my own making, watching her mingle with our friends as I vainly try to amuse Momo. The distraction doesn't work, and I find my air ball come unraveled in much the way my heart does whenever I find myself in awe of her. She's critiquing her brother's recent attempt at art… I'm guessing it's rather dismal, and it's all I can do not to slip my arm around her waist and tell her everything I want to say right there with everyone watching.

I can't though, but at least this time it's not out of cowardice. I need to keep my distance and let her come to understand how she feels. After all I've done to confuse her; she's entitled to that much from me. If I can't love her the way I want, I can at least respect her the way she deserves.

Ba Sing Se is quite a peaceful scene, but I sense that peace is not in my future. I can sense Katara approaching. I don't look her way until she's right next to me, and I know I'm a goner the moment I do.

She pulls me into a hug, and I feel my heartbeat fall into rhythm with hers… beating as one, and I smile with a profound comfort that I could never imagine would come from such relatively innocent contact. It reminds me of the times she was more comfortable with me, when we were truly the best of friends. I'm glad that we've returned to that. I wish it was more, but I'm willing to take it if that's all she is willing or able to give.

We both look out to the setting sun. It seems like ages since the hundred year long war had ended. Maybe I can start again, maybe I can get another chance to tell Katara how I feel. It might take time, but she's worth it.

Our eyes meet, and then she surprises me, taking the opportunity to steal a kiss from me, and I feel the warmth flood like a lightning bolt straight to my toes… granted a much more pleasant lightning bolt than the ones I had encountered thus far. I hadn't expected it, but there was little doubt of her feelings any more…

… she made sure there wasn't _any_ confusion at all.


End file.
